Lately, there has been a great uprising of ugly cars out on the roads, cars so ugly I don’t know why a manufacturer would even consider proceeding further than initial sketches, let alone go on to mass produce it.

The car which immediately comes to my mind is the abstract work by Fiat; the Fiat Multipa.

Beautifully ugly in every single way, and if you squint and rotate your head 45º, you can kind of see it resembling a car. Sure, the bottom half looks like a car, but the top bit looks like some sort of minivan, backed by the fact they added a pair of headlights on that top module.

I don’t think it would be outrageous to assume that Fiat found that it needed to merge two design team’s ideas in an effort to cut down on product development.

The question which complements “why would someone make that?” is “why would someone buy that?” Do people actually know they drive ugly cars? If I were to buy a car of that equal disgustingness, I would be embarrassed to be kidnapped in the boot of that car, or even embarrassed by just standing next to it (just if someone has mentality to even think I own the car).

I bet you this car came with a 100% in-mail rebate. It must have.

I don’t know about you, but I share the guilt the general populous has surrounding releasing pebbles in a public place.

Deployment zone

There seems to be a sense of shame when you walk into a cubicle and release a shower (or hailing) of chocolate beads, mixed with the thunder of flatulence. I am hear to tell you to fear no more; here are my top tips to carrying out a stealthy and shameless number two.

Pick a toilet which has relatively low foot traffic. You don’t want people to eavesdrop on your rhythmic pitter-patter, nor do you want anyone to see you emerge relieved. Anonymity is important for saving face.

Cushion the fall. Before you begin deployment, take a good few pieces of toilet paper and scrunch it up into a large fluffy ball. This creates a fantastic landing zone, padding the fall, and hence muffling the noise. This will save you from those larger atomic bombs which seem to make the loudest noise on contact with water, however this will not mute the vibrating cheeks caused by flatulence…

Timing is everything. If you feel an onset of a ‘big one’ or a ‘large gust’, be sure to detonate when either no one is in the room, or when another occupant flushes the toilet or uses the air towel. They act as brilliant camouflage, masking any noise you could make by using your rear. If equipped with one, a newspaper can also create good cover – just rustle the newspaper and bombs away. Failing that, you could always resort to a forced cough or sneeze, but be aware, coughing/sneezing and releasing goods at the same time does require skill, as a vacuum is created by the exit of air/material at both ends of the digestive tunnel.

Plan your escape. Once again, the concealment of your identity is paramount. Plan your exit when there is either no body in the confines of the bathroom; or when you are certain everyone in the room is also using a cubicle. The worst thing is when people see you coming out of the toilet, and on top of that, there is a pungent odor in the air.

Wash your hands. Sometimes you just have to come out when there are people still around. Having knowing you have just taken the trash to the curb, prevent further embarrassment and scorn by thoroughly washing those slimy hands of yours.

Now you know the tricks, be free: poop where ever, when ever – without the red cheeks.

Auckland’s councils are combining forces in late 2010 become one mega-super-large-controversial council. So what did they do to save both time, scrutiny and money? They held a logo design competition.

Evolution of the Auckland City Council Logo

What the heck? There is no denying that this logo looks as old as the Queen of England. It can be likened to Apple releasing the next iPhone looking like a beige brick, as large as a brick, with a rotating dialing wheel instead of a touch screen. In fact, it wouldn’t be wireless; it would be wired to the wall.

My educated guess is that this was done because of the tonne of bricks which fell on on the council last time they spent $1,000,000 NZD of tax-payers money on the development on a logo (that blue one in the middle). One should always be aware that competitions are always entered by only namely two people: children and old people who are about to retire. The latter won the competition, which is probably why the logo looks as aged as it does.

The logo looks like it traveled in a time machine from the ‘70s. The colour palette looks faded and it is created from basic shapes. A logo, in general, should be sculpted into its final form, much like Lego – A Lego model looks so much better when made with custom Lego bricks, which intricately define parts of the model, instead of using the stock-standard rectangular bricks.

Another problem was the judging panel. A panel not of the people of the land, but big headed big-heads, and only one of which that has with an eye for things beautiful. That person being Karen Walker, a fashion designer. A lady, I might add. The vast majority of the other judges are old male-men-blokes. I think anything Walker would have strongly disagreed about, would most definitely be overthrown by the white-headed people. Why? Because they are sexist, and don’t care about aesthetics but are more interested in dipping biscuits into their tea and going to the toilet every 5 minutes.

How do I know they are they know nothing about design? Because, when you make stupid, generic, and thoughtless comments, it becomes blatantly obvious.

[A] compelling, elegant and compact [design]

The voice of this quote avoided mentioning the ideas behind the design, colours, composition, nothing in specific at all. Just a useless generalisation for the media to quote him on – A total dunce when it comes to design analysis.

What a disgusting logo, what a shame – I’m sure more money is going to be wasted when the tax-payers start to chuck bricks once again. Looking at it again, it looks more suited to be a paper-coaster design.