Very recently there has been a spike of small planes (flying planes, not planes of glass), making emergency landings nearly injuring people, and one case, killing someone. If you want a numerical figure to quantify, then I’ve read about 2 cases within a month. Now you might be saying that’s not that many, but then that’s two accidents which could have been (better) avoided with the help of my new compulsory by-law for all small planes.

Horns for all small planes.

The first case happened when a plane lost all power and glided onto a beach, killing a jogger who was listening to an iPod. You might say, “ah-ha, the unfortunate jogger must’ve been listening to some pretty loud music/podcast”, however the plane was gliding, so essentially it was a ninja-like attack.

The second case happened just today, where some amateur crash landed on a motorway in Hobart. (Just as a sidenote, who would’ve thunk Hobart had a motorway – I always thought it was just a small island with a small township on it.) No one was killed.

All cars have horns. Not only is it used to convey a friendly “hi there” or a “see you later”, but it’s also used to annoy, to provoke, but most importantly warn others of potential danger.

Let’s re-analyse the first case with a horn pre-installed:

Pilot realises something isn’t wrong with the plane as the propeller has stopped spinning. After a few swears are thrown around, emergency procedures learned in pilot school comes into practice. Realising there is no where to land but a popular beach, the pilot attempts a glide to land on the beach while honking the horn to clear a path. Beach-goers hear a horn and exclaim “wth” (or similar), and run off to a safe place to get out the camcorder to tape all this before going home and uploading it to youtube as “Plane crash on Miami Beach!”. A path is cleared and the plane lands safely. No one dies or gets hurt.

And now the second case:

Pilot realises something isn’t wrong with the plane as the propeller has stopped spinning. After a few swears are thrown around, emergency procedures learned in pilot school comes into practice. Realising there is no where to land but a dense motorway, the pilot attempts a glide to land on the motorway while honking the horn to clear a path. Cars hear a horn and claim “wth” (or similar), and make way for the plane. Plane merges like a zip and the pulls over to the hard-shoulder before turning on his hazards and calling the AA. No one dies or gets hurt.

Both incidents are most certainly avoidable with a massive horn on the plane, as portrayed in the recreation of these events. So the next time you buy a plane, insist on having a horn pre-installed to not only future-proof it, but also to increase it’s market value.

I walk down the street, not tripping over, walking dead centre of the footpath, walking like a pro. About one hundred meters away, someone (who I have never met before) is walking up the path, in the opposite direction. They haven’t yet made eye contact, because you rarely look upwards when you’re walking up-hill, otherwise you’re going to stumble like a drunk.

As she walks closer we make eye contact, “crap, she’s seen me” I tell myself. Our paths are going to soon collide – but do I greet or not? There’s about 20 seconds to run some calculations to determine whether a greeting is going to be exchanged:

Are they intimidating looking?
Do they look egotistical?
Are they preoccupied (music playing device)?

Good golly, she’s getting closer, and HQ hasn’t dispatched an official course of action. I seem to panic, and decide to instead shut my mouth, stupid in retrospect. She said “hi” just as our paths overlapped. Now I’m in trouble – it was the point of no return. It would look stupidly awkward if I replied now, as I would need to turn my neck before I could greet. You can really only safely greet before, or at the same time as they voice a “hello”. And if I didn’t reply? Well I would look like a douche as well, a silly non-caring Asian, the usual culturally-inward Asian you see on the street, my chance to buck trends, gone.

I increase my pace two-fold to the safety of the next street.

There is no doubt that a handful of colours have certain nondetachable feelings associated them, and one in particular is without argument feminine.

Photo credit: stutefish

For the first few years at primary school (at my one anyway), we had these book bags which hung around the back of our chair. It was where we stored our books, and pens, but also allowed quick and easy transportation of school-gear to-and-from our school bags.

I had just turned five, just started to get addicted to LEGO, and it was my first week at school. Within that first week, I was taken into a room at the back of the classrooms. No I wasn’t in trouble, nor was I to be beaten to death; it was to choose my very own book bag!

Read on